SONS

This had been my wallpaper even since my third semester here. Now i am on fifth. So its more then a year. It is from the series Sons Of Anarchy. It a story of a biker gang and organised crime. It involve narcotic, guns and prostitute but its no porn parody. It a story of life. For people who did not understand maybe it sound boring. I am not going to write the synopsis of the series. I am going to bring a look of the other side. Jack Teller build his family around SAMCRO. His the president. He change the club to a better way but his points is to take out his family out of the club business and start a new life. No matter how he trigger thing shit always pile up on him. Even it is not his fault. A small stone throw  can slide a boulder down. That how its relate to me. I just trying to build a normal life. I don't one all the gold on the land i just want what i need. I want to have a normal family. Living raising my kids with my wife take care of my parent and family. I don't care what shit happen to other. People keep pulling me with their shit. I am tired of caring for other and hoping to help make their life better because it is a disappointment. Yeah shit that i do in my past keep pulling me back. I am trying hard to stay put. I don't want all the ladies in the house because i have one that protect my need and care for me be there when i need her the most. I don't one all the riches i just want to sustain my life and spend some more when i want. I want to protect my family and held them close. Every time i put a plan to motion it will sway the other way. People keep throwing shit because hell of reason. Sons Of Anarchy had accompany me the most of my life  

3 NEGERI CONTINUE

More adventure on 1 day 3 Negeri ? Right now i am collecting stories to write. where did i stop last time..hmm.. cut it short. I ask her. Its not so romantic and kind of a twist. I said i can't promise her nothing now, i am not a good person and i have a bad passing days. I really want to be something for her and the better one from his past. She keeping telling me about them. Sometime it hurt as it never stop. The effect blaze me much. At first she thought  i am going the other way. She always like that laa haha. Now we are counting our days. This is the most real relationship i have. I try to put patience in this one considering what i had before. We try to learn to be together for our future. I told her if anything wrong she can always talk to me. I tell her what my hope are for her. She really need to help me to adopt to this. I really need someone understanding. She promise she will. I know she can fulfill it's. I know her and her move. I really appreciate her and know she is something. Each day is full of it's own story. We have our up and down with me being like this. Always do all sort of stupid things. The old routine keep coming back. Our fight did not last 24 hours. I am really thankfull for that because I can't imagine a day without her. Not knowing what her did or anything happen give me cold maybe after 24 hours i end up dead of worrying. I know she can took care for her self and thing like that haha. So how longs we have been together. She always said we have been together for 8 month. Haha.. right you ? That funny chupp girl. 

TENS ON AHMAD SYAZZUWAN

1. I am a man of dream. I dream the impossible and do anything the possible to archive it. Tell me what i can't and i prove you wrong. Come on challenge me, i'll bet you lose.
2. I am no friend of fate. We are the worst of enemy. He screw either way. No matter how he gets me. The most ridiculous thing happen my ways. Don't tell me it's nothing if you do not know me enough.
3. I love my family so much. Enough said. Only family understand this.
4. I don't talk shit much. Cause talking mean nothing. You can talk  but as long you did not prove anything you just a rubbish too. I only talk a lot with people i am concern with and as long the are willing to listen. Till this date my mum the one.
5. I and my religion is personal. It's my personal duty to the god. I know i am weak at it. i do not need no turban, or post quran verse or wear Baju melayu just to show people i do my prayer. What the point of wearing Hijab or songkok if to touch the quran once a week you can't.
6. I am full of revenge. Once you play your shit with me, i'll make you suffer, believe me i do. I only give you one trust once you shit you are dead to me.
7. I am aggressive at small and stupid things but at some big things i try to watch and give a hint so the people learn and change. All my siblings understand this. Only stupid person deserve to be mad of and still did not learn.
8. Hard lesson mean nothing to me. The more you mock and scream the worse it's be. Gentle calm the cat. Your mother wont just came at your wrong  and slap you because it is easier to slap in the face then talking first gently right. So learn.
9. I believe in this world spins by money. Its sound mercenary but it's true. I put myself through sweat to get it so i own its. You own your money not the money own you, or you will just be a whore.
10. I believe if we do the right thing on earth someday we end up in heaven. We must gets both because each is related. No religion tell its follower to do bad. Repair my self first in this world and the heaven will follow. 

HIDUP AKU

The one time i cannot maintain myself is when all thing i work for something get wash away so simple. The effort means nothing. Nothing at all. That is one time i'll be irrational and crazy. I admit it. I am a person that will do anything what i can and more than i can in order to archive something that i felt worth. Even the craziest and stupid thing. I will do. I sacrife everything. Even i hurt my self. For something I fell worth. A small child try hard to get all A's and number one in class for the sake getting a better school after this. He is innocent not knowing the cruelty of the world. Yet he get murder all his dreams are shattered and reply back with hurting. From there he learn "Dunia tak selalunya Indah" You can do all the thing right and still the world give me PALAT. I must really piss on the heaven door to get this. One after another till this day. My heart is long dead for miracle my body is bruised with cuts. Did i really deserve this. You can say all the thing you want aku berlagak aku sombong aku jahat aku tak guna is what if you didn't understand me. When will all this stop. Aku pun penat tapi aku tak kan mengalah dan hidup dalam kebabian dunia. What is really joy? The joy is when i fell appreciated. The feel appreciated. Yes sometime the reaction varies. A denial. or even a rejection. Without appreciation all thing i have done it is nothing. Just a rubbish. Some show appreciation by saying thanks, doing things in return or better really take a meaning in life of what i done and show it in their reaction and action. World also can say thanks by making all the thing right for once. Maybe its not time yet. That all i need and wanted.