20180527

Being Husband

After nearly 2 years being husband and father of one what i can recall about being husband is patient is not enough, being alim ulamak is not enough, being caring is not enough, being romantic is not enough, for heaven sake the won't be enough trait required to be perfect husband.

Some night u sleep with your head wondering why your wife just silent all day long, the other night lot of thing running inside your head and you keep dissecting one by one and you just appear to be too quiet  and suddenly you got the blame to be too quiet. Some day you wonder you had spent a lot to give people what they want but thing still not right. The other you are compare to the other fellow who so sudden look like he spend fortune to his wife. The quick fix is for your mouth to just said it BS but you know if you say it maybe u feel clear a bit but later another crisis explode.

You may felt you had been caring and helpful enough by helping in your family, sacrifice enough when you put all your need behind, spend when deep down you know it just a waste but your love one want it. It hurt when you think you deep enough but for other u just not.

It really take a lot to be a good husband. Now i know why Abah become silent most of the time. Me myself can see myself going that way. We appear to be quiet to avoid more thing happening but inside our brain moving consider a lot of thing.

There is always easy way out where you can just ignore all the problem and issue but this will one day for sure will explode in your face in form off and old wife you can no longer control that have no respect for you, in form of your child with no future keep hanging to your life because you avoid to scold him when his wrong. I had saw all this happen to my close relative.

20180507

Moving

Maybe this is the time for me to move out, What i learn from my past some time i need to take risk and go for it.

I can jump to another company and hopefully earn more. I need to pay balance of my loan bond. Currently what i earn look sufficient but with the mortgage payment coming up i need to get more or else cukup cukup makan. Now i also felt unhappy with my current office politic. I just want to finish the work and move on but to much politic. Young chap want to show he can be the no 1 Hero and coward boss who don't want to say thing right to your face. Fuck up environment it is.

I just want to an engineer and built something but now it more like to soap opera. One or two day you are on leave suddenly you been stab on the back.