Dunia yang Mana

Dunia sementara akhirat yang kekal. Jangan kejar dunia. Itulah yang orang cakap.

Tapi dunia pun tuhan buat. Kalau hanya sementara baik buat macam sangkar hamster. Ada tempat tido, cukup lah.

Tapi dunia ni terlalu besar. Adake orang yang pernah tengok setiap ceruk dunia. Pergi semua tempat, alami semuanya.

Ya akhirat tu kekal tapi sementara kita di dunia kita perlu tengok sebahagian daripadanya. Pergi macam macam tempat yang mampu sampai. Alami nya.

Sibuk bekerja kumpul harta kalau tak ada masa nak belanja kan pun tak guna. Mungkin kumpul yang cukup dan pusing dunia ni. Pergi Australia, Pergi America, Pergi Europe, Pergi Japan, Pergi Afrika. Mungkin naik cruise. Mungkin pusing setiap daerah Pahang, setiap negeri.

Mungkin pergi Sabah, alami setiap daerahnya.

Dunia untuk dinikmati.

5 Years Anniversary

Today five years ago, a fine Saturday morning I woke up just fine to start my journey. I went to see Abah first then drive to Klang. A bit sorrow as Abah who is the one excited for my marriage. Maybe it was a symbol that he had raised me to a certain level and for the future. He plans the date, the value of the arrangement and updated everyone. Even I was surprised during the engagement how he talks his way through. All along I know him he was a man of few words.

We reach Sijangkang on time. I had a list of tasks to be completed on that day and honestly, I just ignored the others with their opinions and plans. I had practised the akad hundreds of times. I just a walk in the park.

Yasmen and I, yes we had been married for five years but we had been together more. More than 10 years. We had been thru thick and thin. We have our plan. Our ideas of how we want to live our life. I had chosen a lady who was willing to fight and sacrifice to be on top. A catalyst, not an anchor.

Things might not be as our full plan but we are where we want to be. We had two kids well-spaced between ages. Growing up quite well. We want them to always be the best. We have our comfort home. We got some luxury and savings.

Let see how the next 5 years be.

Loss and Gain

Once you passed one hardship, a few walks later another one will come your way. This one shall be harder since you are tougher now. That is the cycle until the final one came. The final one shall be your death. The End.

Seeing children losing their mum, husband losing his wife due to covid made me reminisce the day I'll lose Abah.

When you were in the stage of that person in dire illness or coma, you keep hoping, praying, doing anything to return it to normal. Deep down only you and yourself know it. Will it return and how we adjust or Will it ends and how do we move forward?

When the gavel hit down. It's decided. You're permanently losing your loved one. No more phone calls, no more talking to him or her, you can't do anything with them anymore.

The funeral and all the condolence will be quick and just passing thru. You hope to do your best for the loved one final journey. The next morning and days after the reality start to seep in. Your life totally changed. You lose your support. You keep wondering why this thing happens to you. You try to find a reason to blame. Only time will dry the wound and left a permanent scar there. It won't heal. After that, you pick it up what is left and continue on.

How long the time it takes you would not know. Maybe months, years, or maybe never. Some just never. 

After losing Abah, I'll figure the worst things God could do was take my wife during pregnancy or labor. It can be worse but we will never know until the time came. God had a special relationship with me and how to F me up. Hopefully, things got better and my family and I got tougher to face it.

Wife is a significant factor that decides your life. It works both ways but at different tunes. Husband needs a wife he can count on, do not complicate his life, and fight together. The wife needs a husband that wants more (unless she prefers a static life), a husband that is Independent (doesn't do traditional and wants her to do all the house things alone), and a husband she can count on.

If the thing does not work both ways, then it shall be like dragging an anchor.

Every time my wife asks "why do I choose her ?"

The utmost reason is that I know she can be my float. Together we can be great.

Kisah

Ada masa kita kisahkan sangat permasalahan orang

Tanpa kita sedar orang tak kisahkan pun kehidupan kita

Kesusahan

 Aku always terfikir kenapa ada orang susah, ada orang senang. Adakah orang susah tak nak jadi senang. Apa yang dia cuba buat untuk jadi senang. Aku rasa aku pun ada masa susah. Ada masa kesusahan datang bertimpa. Mungkin itu sebahagian dari sumpahnya dan terima kasih aku rasa aku berjaya lepas.

Aku ada terfikir satu teori. Agama tu kita letak tepi sekejap ini hanya teori dan semua orang pun akan ditimpa kesusahan. Kalau kesusahan tu datang dekat kau level 30%, antara kau hadap dan selelaikan atau lari. Kalau kau selesaikan lepas tu kau akan ada dekat level 0% dan datang yang lain 25% kau hanya ada 25% untuk hadap. Kalau kau lari bila kesusahan tu datang kau ada 55% level kesusahan. Which is lagi susah untuk selesaikan.

Bila kau dah selesaikan kesusahan tu kau akan dapat pengalaman dan jadi lebih kuat. Aku jenis apa yang datang aku hadap je. Lagi aku tak selesaikan aku takkan tenang. Mungkin tu juga sebab aku kena sumpah lah. Jadi betul ke teori aku lagi aku lari lagi teruk kesusahan yang datang.

Ada masa kita tak nampak macam mana nak selesaikan masalah kita, tapi orang lain nampak senang je nak selesaikan. Then, ada pula yang cakap kau tak tahu susah orang lagi kau tak rasa. Mungkin aku jenis hadap je kesusahan tu head on je.

Ada orang cakap kalau kau tak pernah rasa susah kau takkan rasa senang. Aku rasa itu betul dan orang yang dah pernah susah dia takkan nak susah lagi. 

Aku pernah hidup susah atau aku yang susahkan hidup aku sendiri. Nak cedok sayur ambik dalam pinggan atau nak order air kalau makan nasi campur aku fikir 10 kali. Padahal takkan habis pun duit aku takat berapa ringgit tu. Dulu aku boleh hidup pagi masak nasi, then pergi kelas lunch balik beli sayur kuah then goreng telur. Aku habis dalam seringgit dua je sehari.Hidup je aku dekat UiTM tu.

Aku rasa dengan umur aku sekarang dengan apa yang aku ada, aku berada dalam level senang. Tapi kalau kau tak hadap apa yang kesusahan dulu tu dekat mana level aku sekarang ?