Kesusahan

 Aku always terfikir kenapa ada orang susah, ada orang senang. Adakah orang susah tak nak jadi senang. Apa yang dia cuba buat untuk jadi senang. Aku rasa aku pun ada masa susah. Ada masa kesusahan datang bertimpa. Mungkin itu sebahagian dari sumpahnya dan terima kasih aku rasa aku berjaya lepas.

Aku ada terfikir satu teori. Agama tu kita letak tepi sekejap ini hanya teori dan semua orang pun akan ditimpa kesusahan. Kalau kesusahan tu datang dekat kau level 30%, antara kau hadap dan selelaikan atau lari. Kalau kau selesaikan lepas tu kau akan ada dekat level 0% dan datang yang lain 25% kau hanya ada 25% untuk hadap. Kalau kau lari bila kesusahan tu datang kau ada 55% level kesusahan. Which is lagi susah untuk selesaikan.

Bila kau dah selesaikan kesusahan tu kau akan dapat pengalaman dan jadi lebih kuat. Aku jenis apa yang datang aku hadap je. Lagi aku tak selesaikan aku takkan tenang. Mungkin tu juga sebab aku kena sumpah lah. Jadi betul ke teori aku lagi aku lari lagi teruk kesusahan yang datang.

Ada masa kita tak nampak macam mana nak selesaikan masalah kita, tapi orang lain nampak senang je nak selesaikan. Then, ada pula yang cakap kau tak tahu susah orang lagi kau tak rasa. Mungkin aku jenis hadap je kesusahan tu head on je.

Ada orang cakap kalau kau tak pernah rasa susah kau takkan rasa senang. Aku rasa itu betul dan orang yang dah pernah susah dia takkan nak susah lagi. 

Aku pernah hidup susah atau aku yang susahkan hidup aku sendiri. Nak cedok sayur ambik dalam pinggan atau nak order air kalau makan nasi campur aku fikir 10 kali. Padahal takkan habis pun duit aku takat berapa ringgit tu. Dulu aku boleh hidup pagi masak nasi, then pergi kelas lunch balik beli sayur kuah then goreng telur. Aku habis dalam seringgit dua je sehari.Hidup je aku dekat UiTM tu.

Aku rasa dengan umur aku sekarang dengan apa yang aku ada, aku berada dalam level senang. Tapi kalau kau tak hadap apa yang kesusahan dulu tu dekat mana level aku sekarang ?

Dallas Buyers Club

 The film tells the story of Ron Woodroof, an AIDS patient diagnosed in the mid-1980s when HIV/AIDS treatments were under-researched, while the disease was not understood and highly stigmatized. As part of the experimental AIDS treatment movement, he smuggled unapproved pharmaceutical drugs into Texas for treating his symptoms and distributed them to fellow people with AIDS by establishing the "Dallas Buyers Club" while facing opposition from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

A good true story about a guy fighting AIDS, he gets it from unsafe sex practice. During the mid-1980 whoever have HIV/AIDS would not have long to live. He was diagnosed and only given 30 days to live. Initially, his first character was a wild weekend rodeo then after the diagnosis, he did his own research on how to survive with AIDS. He is far away from giving up and fighting away by his own method, living healthy, using his own medicine. He ends up living for another 7 years.

The movie got me thinking, you are only dead when you give up. How impossible the thing is you still can fight it. The fighting will be hard and long. When it about your body and health you will be fighting to the end. When the fighting stop, your life also stops. I also had a similar health issue even not that bad, I could felt how Ron felt.

Watching the movie, I also wonder AIDS was so deadly and taboo during the old day. People relate it to LGBT. This group surely knew they are at risk of HIV with their choice of life, but why they still do it. Do their lust outweigh their life? 

Darjat

Darjat is your level and place in society social hierarchy. In Islam whoever good and practice Islamic in their life shall be lifted off their Darjat to Allah. That you shall never know until your afterlife. All you can do now is assumed.

How your Darjat in society? Who decides who is better? Which job have better Darjat? How do you get better Darjat?

People around you decide your Darjat. An Iman will be respected in his qariah but if you put in around atheists they shall put nothing. A mob boss for sure will have good Darjat in prison compare to goody people. 

What if you decide you have higher Darjat than others? People will get irritated.

To have better Darjat you shall make good deed with other, carry yourself with class. Then, you carry a different atmosphere around you.

Solat Raya

I remember in the old days, Hari Raya morning is always a very hard day to wake up early. We knew that we need to wake up early to go to the mosque but eventually we end up sleeping late or not sleeping at all. That will end up with Abah shouting to wake us up. My siblings and I will end up sleeping during khutbah.

Today, here I am 7:00 am already at the mosque. You only start to appreciate things when it is out of your reach. 

1 Syawal 1442H

13 May 2021

Selamat Hari Raya

RAYA

Hari Raya tak ada makna sangat bagi aku, yang aku tahu puasa dah habis, boleh makan waktu siang. Waktu sekolah rendah aku rasa puasa ni macam dah separuh nyawa. Dia punya haus tu macam nak merangkak lah. Ada je time aku tak puasa minum air paip.

Harini kau suruh aku tak makan 72 jam pun tak ada hal aku rasa. Puasa tu macam benda normal. Tahun 2021 ni aku rasa satu improvement, kami tak pergi bazar sangat, tak membazir, Air pun tak beli. Air satu plastik 5 ringgit, gila apa, 5 ringgit tu dapat nasi lauk ayam. But then, Nasi kukus pulak dia pergi jual RM10, cibet semua nak cepat kaya.

Tradisi kami hari raya biasa sahaja, pergi masjid solat raya, pergi raya rumah saudara mara di Kuantan. Masa budak budak seronok pergi untuk makan dengan dapat duit raya. Bila dah fasa tua ni, when you have all the opinions about other people malas pulak nak pergi beraya. When i joined my wife family, they also have similar things called Baraan. Yang ni aku boleh enjoy sebab aku tak kenal pun all those people so you can be neutral, just enjoy the ambien and food. 

Aku ingat ada satu tahun Abah semangat nak buat persiapan raya. Kami buat lemang from scratch, rendang, ketupat. Aku rasa yang seronok sebenarnya buat persiapan raya. Beli baju raya, that sort of things. When Raya comes, lepas solat raya dia dah jadi macam hari biasa. TV pun dah tak macam dulu tak menarik. 

In a few years, how will Raya be for my kids?