Dallas Buyers Club

 The film tells the story of Ron Woodroof, an AIDS patient diagnosed in the mid-1980s when HIV/AIDS treatments were under-researched, while the disease was not understood and highly stigmatized. As part of the experimental AIDS treatment movement, he smuggled unapproved pharmaceutical drugs into Texas for treating his symptoms and distributed them to fellow people with AIDS by establishing the "Dallas Buyers Club" while facing opposition from the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

A good true story about a guy fighting AIDS, he gets it from unsafe sex practice. During the mid-1980 whoever have HIV/AIDS would not have long to live. He was diagnosed and only given 30 days to live. Initially, his first character was a wild weekend rodeo then after the diagnosis, he did his own research on how to survive with AIDS. He is far away from giving up and fighting away by his own method, living healthy, using his own medicine. He ends up living for another 7 years.

The movie got me thinking, you are only dead when you give up. How impossible the thing is you still can fight it. The fighting will be hard and long. When it about your body and health you will be fighting to the end. When the fighting stop, your life also stops. I also had a similar health issue even not that bad, I could felt how Ron felt.

Watching the movie, I also wonder AIDS was so deadly and taboo during the old day. People relate it to LGBT. This group surely knew they are at risk of HIV with their choice of life, but why they still do it. Do their lust outweigh their life? 

Darjat

Darjat is your level and place in society social hierarchy. In Islam whoever good and practice Islamic in their life shall be lifted off their Darjat to Allah. That you shall never know until your afterlife. All you can do now is assumed.

How your Darjat in society? Who decides who is better? Which job have better Darjat? How do you get better Darjat?

People around you decide your Darjat. An Iman will be respected in his qariah but if you put in around atheists they shall put nothing. A mob boss for sure will have good Darjat in prison compare to goody people. 

What if you decide you have higher Darjat than others? People will get irritated.

To have better Darjat you shall make good deed with other, carry yourself with class. Then, you carry a different atmosphere around you.

Solat Raya

I remember in the old days, Hari Raya morning is always a very hard day to wake up early. We knew that we need to wake up early to go to the mosque but eventually we end up sleeping late or not sleeping at all. That will end up with Abah shouting to wake us up. My siblings and I will end up sleeping during khutbah.

Today, here I am 7:00 am already at the mosque. You only start to appreciate things when it is out of your reach. 

1 Syawal 1442H

13 May 2021

Selamat Hari Raya

RAYA

Hari Raya tak ada makna sangat bagi aku, yang aku tahu puasa dah habis, boleh makan waktu siang. Waktu sekolah rendah aku rasa puasa ni macam dah separuh nyawa. Dia punya haus tu macam nak merangkak lah. Ada je time aku tak puasa minum air paip.

Harini kau suruh aku tak makan 72 jam pun tak ada hal aku rasa. Puasa tu macam benda normal. Tahun 2021 ni aku rasa satu improvement, kami tak pergi bazar sangat, tak membazir, Air pun tak beli. Air satu plastik 5 ringgit, gila apa, 5 ringgit tu dapat nasi lauk ayam. But then, Nasi kukus pulak dia pergi jual RM10, cibet semua nak cepat kaya.

Tradisi kami hari raya biasa sahaja, pergi masjid solat raya, pergi raya rumah saudara mara di Kuantan. Masa budak budak seronok pergi untuk makan dengan dapat duit raya. Bila dah fasa tua ni, when you have all the opinions about other people malas pulak nak pergi beraya. When i joined my wife family, they also have similar things called Baraan. Yang ni aku boleh enjoy sebab aku tak kenal pun all those people so you can be neutral, just enjoy the ambien and food. 

Aku ingat ada satu tahun Abah semangat nak buat persiapan raya. Kami buat lemang from scratch, rendang, ketupat. Aku rasa yang seronok sebenarnya buat persiapan raya. Beli baju raya, that sort of things. When Raya comes, lepas solat raya dia dah jadi macam hari biasa. TV pun dah tak macam dulu tak menarik. 

In a few years, how will Raya be for my kids?

Terawikh

Ramadhan 1442H

Aku tak ingat bila first aku pergi terawikh. Ada satu tahun aku masih sekolah rendah. Mungkin darjah 1 atau 2. Terawikh dekat Surau Taman Jambu. Abah bukanlah orang yang pergi masjid setiap malam. Tiba tiba dia ajak aku pergi masjid malam. Aku budak yang tak tahu apa ikut sahaja. Mula mula blur juga apahal siang dah lah puasa malam kena pergi surau. Benda yang buat aku kagum dengan terawikh ni bacaan antara setiap rakaat. Masa tu ada seorang pak cik tu suara dia merdu baca benda ni. Memang aku kagum. Bagi aku selagi aku tak dengar benda ni memang tak ada feel bulan puasa.

Ada satu tahun aku terawikh dekat surau seksyen 7 bilal dia baca flat je. Potong stim betul. Biasa memang kami buat 8 rakaat. Kalau 20 pun bila dah 10 malam terakhir. Aku dengan Abah bukan jenis beriman tinggi sangat pun tapi ada satu tahun kami buat gila. Kami buat 20 rakaat straight sebulan. Legendary. Aku tak ada la nak cakap aku hebat tapi terawikh ni memang tak ada rasa apa beban pun dekat aku. Tapi aku buat at my own term. Jangan kau memandai pergi buat ceramah lepas 4 rakaat ke memamg aku balik lah. Ada surau terlebih bijak pergi baca 2 pages satu rakaat. Ada imam yang terlebih khusyuk dia bantai sujud 2 3 minit. Lebam dahi tahu ke tak.

Kadang kadang aku wonder ada orang dah umur 40an 50an tak ada rasa pun nak pergi terawikh. Benda tu boleh buat sebulan je dalam setahun tapi kau prefer berehat lepas perut kenyang. Mungkin diorang tak ada kesedaran.

Aku harap aku dapat implement benda yang sama dekat anak anak aku. Maybe terawikh boleh jadi their sweet memory of me when i'm gone.