TWENTY NINE

26 January 2020

This shall mark the end of my 20's decade. I start my 20 with university. Owning my first car. Graduating my degree. Starting my dream job which i dream of since i was 5 years old. Losing my father when i was 25th. Getting married. Being a father. Owning a house. and lot of other things.


I am grateful that i have a good run as an engineer. I learn a lot of thing. It is a hard career path. Days outside with the sun. Facing a lot of people. I am surrounded by good people who help me grow up. I know the pay not as good as others are earning at the beginning but for now it is secure. I think the main reason i am still standing because this was my dream so i am willing to face it. This may not be forever because when the day come i need to sacrifice my career and earning for important thing. Hopefully when the drought come i'll be strong enough.


I am grateful that i have a good wife that complete me. You can find a lot of wife type, you just name it. Myself had a good run out there. Day by day Allah give me a glance of all the people that i know and how my life might be if i be with them. When i choose my wife, i choose the one who i know will complete me, would not derail my life and who i can live with. It may look like i am selfish and self-centered but i know for certain i need a wife who can support me and would not derail me with stupid stuff. A wife who know that you need to face hardship before you live well. A wife who know only the strong will survive. A wife who know to differentiate what people surround her say. A wife who believe me.


I am grateful that i have a good son who i always wanted and willing to sacrifice all for him. Raising him i think lot of easier compare to other i think. I want him to grow up to be the better version of me. Achieve higher than me. Go study oversea and have a better career. He is nearly 3 years old now. From now on i think i need to be more strict with him. I had saw son who grow up being to pampered by their father. I don't want Aaron to be weak. He need to differentiate what out there and keep his aim straight.


I am grateful that i have a good family. We had not been the same since abah passed away. My mum still finding her way. My sister and brother still looking for their future. I also don't know what they want to become. I am trying to hold this responsibility for as hard as i can. I hope i am strong enough to keep my family together. I hope one day everyone can be successful in the way they wanted. So, everyone can live satisfied and not be envy of other.


I am grateful that i had time to do things even though lots of things happen. I had not have free time since last year. I mean free time where you really have no time to do and just relax. Anyhow i am still grateful for all the thing that i need to do and hopefully all this for the better future. 

For You My Wife

Telah ku siapkan
satu daerah paling sunyi
Dalam hati ini
untuk kau isi sebagai isteri

You asked me hundred times of this question. The answer will be the same. It won't be as what other men will say. All those nice stuff. Honestly i had known a lot of women. Only with you, i shall be complete. You can withstand all the test and hurdle up ahead. You can stand the pressure to be push forward. You know what i want to be. I cannot be with someone who be mess up with all those petty stuff. Both of us know from the beginning what we need to sacrifice for our future.

You shall always be at the special place.

Untuk kau penuhi dengan kemuliaan seorang wanita
Untuk kau beri erti dengan kelembutan
Untuk kau hargai dengan kasih sayang

You shall be the soft and lovely part in our small family. I will push all of us to be the best from the best. Our kids will suffer but end of the day i am sure they shall understand. That how i was raised up and our kids will be same.  You shall be that soft place to hear their cry. There is no place for failure in our family. You shall shape our kids will all the good nature.

Ku ingin kau jadi wanita mulia
Yang tahu harga budi dan hati
Seorang lelaki bernama suami
Kerana engkau isteri

I am not good in expressing my love or appreciation. I am not romantic but i know you now i love you for all of it. I want to give our family a good life not matter where we are. Ensure all of us achieve our dream.

Ku ingin kau mengerti bahawa hidup ini
Tak semudah yang kita janjikan
Yang kita janjikan
Kerana kau isteriku

From day one of our marriage, i know i need to shape and care for everything even though  we had to have all those fight. If i decide to run from it our marriage shall just be a time bomb. I am sorry for all those fight but i know it for our own good. All the thing i band you from doing (masih lagi sendawa kuat) and the way i want you to do thing (sedapkan jemput resepi i) is for our own good. I also try to accept the way you do thing but you know your husband is a hardheaded.

I love you sayang.

Rainbow and Butterflies

Sons,

Life is no rainbow and butterflies

People won't do anything for free or sincerely

There will always be a limit of it

Even Blood, relative, brother or sister all is human

Maybe their limit different but there will always be limit

Anything you do, you are on your own. Make sure you do anything you can first. Dont make plan for other to help you. I raise you up. I know you can do it.

ZUL

Ada satu lelaki namanya Zul. Dia tidak pandai menulis membaca. Dia rajin bekerja. Dulu dia bekerja Radicare. Dia Gigih bekerja. Butanya dia tidak pandai menggunakan ATM. Setiap bulan orang akan tolong keluarkan duit gaji nya. Namau dia ditipu habis lesap duitnya. Tiada siapa mahu berkahwin dengan nya kerana dia buta huruf. Dia ditipu janda tua. Janda hanya mahu duitnya. Bila sudah tiada duit dia dihalau. Kini dia bekerja dengan Alam Flora. Setiap hari dia mengutip sampah. Zul hanya bangun pagi kerja boleh makan dan minum. 6 hari seminggu dia memakai uniform merah itu membersih sampah orang. Hari ahad dia berpakaian lusuh ke kebun tanah pusaka. Dia bahagia. Hatinya senang.

Itu Zul. Akal nya buta. Buta Huruf. Namun, Hati nya senang.

Kita yang celik ini ? Buta dengan dunia. Mahukan segala yang tak mampu dimiliki. Kerana apa? Kerana hati kita buta.

FUCK IT

Apa yang susah sangat untuk semua orang buat apa yang dia kena buat. Kenapa bila dapat kerja tak nak control pekerja. Bila dah salah bagi macam macam alasan elak nak betul kan. Aku bayar kau untuk buat kerja yang betul dengan jumlah yang betul. Tak minta lebih pun. Aku bayar taw bayar. Aku tak tipu duit. Aku tak lari dari bayar kau. Buat je lah kerja tu dengan betul. Semua nak kaya senang.

Projek ni betul mengajar aku. Bukan ajar buat kerja. Ajar mengenai orang. Semua nak ambil kesempatan. Nampak senang yang sikit di depan mata. Fuck it dunia makin rosak.